parent talk

so... my mum came into the computer room today. she seemed chatty. we chatted for some time, on numerous topics like work, my work (or rather lack thereof) her work, other people's work, and talent. Towards the end of our talk, she told me that she and dad feel that I have no musical talent and told me that when one has no talent, one doesnt have to "die-die-must-do" a certain job.

I'll give her that, that yes, I'm not talented persay, I know i'm not gifted, cuz I've seen what gifted people can do. But talent, really, I would dare venture say that I am at least musically inclined, no? and from what i've seen, talent/gift (altho different but roughly mean the same thing) plays only a fraction of one's success, of course, it is this fraction that can set you apart from the rest. but basically. OUCH. what she said hurt. damnit.

when one hears things like that, i guess most people jump to their own defence. and be indigniant. and... get angry. but you cant, cuz she was being serious and truly honest. an honest opinion... so i shall process what she said... like now...

its been 3 years... this my 4th year at lws. i'll say i've come some way since day one. i dunno, talented people are all but so few. really. i'm talking about REAL talent. not the streetsmarts thing. not even intelligence. sometimes being really smart makes you look talented. but its really because you're smarter than others and learn faster and do it better. now how to tell what is talent. you hardly see it. so its hard to know it. but when you see it... it makes you go WOW and it boggles your mind.

now talent has a good friend called dilligence. sometimes, dilligence covers up one's lackof talent. or rather... make up for it. cuz you'd be really amazed at what real hardwork can do for you. and of course as you grow up hearing from the mouths of those pesky grown ups... talent without hardwork is equivalent to having no talent at all. I agree. talent only gives you that edge, sets you apart from other hardworkers, but it is built on work, without which, there is no fodder for the talent to feed on and manifest itself.

so hardwork. i've seen those (pardon my language) stupid ones get level and perhaps even surpass talented people by sheer hard work. such is their fate. but some people can take a lot of hardwork.

now what is my point. i dunno. there really isnt any point. the point is. hell no i'm not gonna stop insisting on trying to fulfill my dream. acutally i dunno if its a dream or a DREAM. given that i know i'm not exactly the most hardworking person in this world. thats also proof that i'm not stupid. you know. for all the "work" i've put in, if i were stupid, i'd be no where near where i am right now. which isnt anywhere anyway which is a result of the "work" i've put in.

its a curse. i was hardworking as a kid. but somewhere around pri4-pri5 i learnt of the lazy ways of the world. i dunno how i dunno why. actually i think i do. sigh. life changing events. ah well. moving on... where was i... ah yes. i WAS hardworking... and thereafter i relied solely on whatever smarts i had to pull through every phase of my life. the big ones like PSLE... Os... As... it seems i did quite well... got by without doing too much at all... lol!

oh gawd i lost my point. ok the point is. i'm not stupid. (oh boy now i sound like i'm advertising for that movie, which rocks by the way) ok so i'm not gifted/talented whatever, i dunno the distinction between the two.

i remember this prof in uni... taught the module called heavenly mathematics. actually it had nothing to do with maths, on our side at least. the topic was astronomy. and the stars... and man's history, calender in relation to astronomy. interesting shit. he told us right at the start of the first lecture that this module asint gonna help us earn money. HAHA. i like that. he also said something which stuck in my head since. he said "most people either think they're very good or very bad but most of the time, you're just average" i dont know if he meant that as a comforting thought or what... cuz... i wasnt comforted.

its true. the average is the biggest majority. chances are you're average. very good ie. talented gifted peeps are the minority here. like 5% of the population. and the very bad ie. stupid people are like 5% as well. (facts and numbers are just rough guesses and assumptions do not sue me for it) so imagine the other 90% are all average. given the slightly less and slightly more average... varying levels of averageness.

i think i'm above average. i know. and being average is a scary thing. it means you're normal. being the top or bottom 5% is more glamourous than being the mass majority of averages. average. oh gawd what a scary word. sounds like you're just another person. doesnt it?

ok i'm losing focus again. man... well whatever. i guess i'm just trying to say that, we cant ALL be talented... then who's gonna be stupid and average and such? but just cuz you're not talented doesnt mean you give up hope you give up dreams you give up what you wanted to do. you gotta try first. put in some hardwork. put in some years. its been 4 years. i dont think that my "resultslip" after these 4 years suck that bad to make me wanna consider dropping this line. i dont wanna be the vast majority who hold boring jobs and do things they dont like... i dont like what i saw in the very short time i spent in the office. not. for. me. i just gotta stick with what i like and pray for some luck along the way.