Before...

Someone once said to me "你很会制造幸福"

i remember roughly when it was... we were sitting around a table @ wsls house... it was night time... we were chatting idly. and it was either xmas or new year or one of those times we were at his house *hahaha dunno when lah*

his choice of words... amused me. i didnt think much then... i only smiled in reply... and said something like "i dunno"

those were happy days. is there anyway to go back to who i was then? of course not. wishful thinking. since then, so many things have happened, between family, between friends, between... my mind cannot rest. it is now laden with something called experience.

in JC literature, i studied a series of peoms entitled "songs of innocence and experience" - William Blake. now i feel as though i can truly relate. (but no guarantee that i will get an A again lols) but the songs of innocence were white, pure and angel-like, untainted, heavenly and CHILDISH (in a good way), the songs of experience were polluted, black, foggy, clouded and ADULT (in a very bad way).

no wonder everybody longs to be a student. i believe that despite all the boring profs and insane deadlines we have to meet... it is truly the best time of our life. of course, you can get some of that big bad black experience whilst still in school. events involving family and friends do not wait for your graduation to occur.

i noticed that its a gradual thing. it doesnt happen overnight. it creeps up on you very slowly, one at a time until one day, you explode. then you suddenly realise how unhappy you are.

so coming back to this comment made by my teacher and friend... was i truly happy at that time? or was i simply good at pushing unhappy things away and filling myself up with happiness derived from simple things around me? if it is the latter, why have i suddenly lost this skill?